The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
