I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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