it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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