Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
