grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
