Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
