I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
