my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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