She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does