Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day