she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND