At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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