I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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