Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Houston, we have a squirter
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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