imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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