It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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