what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
