There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
