Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
