dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
