I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
