Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
