And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.