I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT