She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.