I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
