yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
