I will die if light touches me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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