do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
