so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
