Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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