she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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