I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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