YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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