I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
