Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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