trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.