you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.