i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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