Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
