i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
