so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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