Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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