I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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