Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
