Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.