she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
