It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
