what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
