Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
