There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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