I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
how drunk are you?
Several
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
