I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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