Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
