you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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