I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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