I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
