Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
