I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
