He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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