She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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