If i come over, it means nothing
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
