I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
