i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
