You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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