I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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